(sigh) Christmas is almost here. well, I'm not too thrilled about it. i know everybody thinks that holidays are supposed to all joyful and all, but seriously, i am so dreading it. i mean, are you freaking kidding me?! couldn't we have done this whole shpeall after Christmas dang it?!!! i feel like everything is being so dragged out. i feel like i am being stretched in all different directions. what am i supposed to do? how am i supposed to feel? i dont even how to react to anything anymore. i feel like the only real thing in life is the way i think. my thoughts are the only real thing. everything else is like dream. nothing is real.
well, i really expect everyone reading this to heed my words. everyone, anyone is judgmental during christmas. i dont care who you are, but seriously you are practically reading my diary so ............ anyway, i feel like sometimes people who comment are being kinda judgemental even if you are not trying to be. sorry, maybe im just sensative but its how i feel.
okay, im done now.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
the truth
i know i havn't been on here in a while and thank everyone who even looks up this dumb blog. i feel like this blog is a journal that i let everbody read. i just hope that oneday i will be able to write something that changes someones' life. that helps them to think about if they have made a difference. if they will leave behind something besides items, and leave behind instead great memories, feelings of love and admiration, and great deeds of service to their fellow men and women.
to my family who looks up the title "the third sprout" on their internet screen. . . . . . . . i love you. and i give thanks to God for putting me in a family who loves me so much. i could have turned out a very different person in another family, but because of you i am who i am today.
to my adopted family, or friends as the world calls 'em. You have made the biggest impact on my life. when starting junior high i had no friends and was too scared to make any. my friend frome elementry school towed me around and made friends for me. i got braver and tried out for the school play where i met my friend before birth. there was an immediate connection with one kayla gonzales(sorry if i spelt it wrong, you know im bad at names). she saves me everyday of this dreary existance. she gives me a smile, a thought, and will tell flat out if im wrong or being a big butthead. i love you kayla. then there is another whom i met about a year ago. we have a bit of an age distance......she is 18. though she may not act like it. haha, kelsie kendall, my darling sister and friend (and it will always be in that order), you give me hope for a new day. you are the one that knows when something is wrong, even if you are not even near me. i get a text asking "are you okay?" well you know what im not. and that's okay. you are always ready with a joke or just there in general. i dont know what i'ld do without you. love you so much kels.
im just gonna lay my card on the table right now, don't get offended. many of you try to be kind and ask how im doing. thanks but no thanks. im not okay. and i dont know when and if i will be. stop asking!!! the situation?not okay. my life?not okay. everything has shattered so now you know. if im smilling, it's a lie. because im not happy anymore.
to my family who looks up the title "the third sprout" on their internet screen. . . . . . . . i love you. and i give thanks to God for putting me in a family who loves me so much. i could have turned out a very different person in another family, but because of you i am who i am today.
to my adopted family, or friends as the world calls 'em. You have made the biggest impact on my life. when starting junior high i had no friends and was too scared to make any. my friend frome elementry school towed me around and made friends for me. i got braver and tried out for the school play where i met my friend before birth. there was an immediate connection with one kayla gonzales(sorry if i spelt it wrong, you know im bad at names). she saves me everyday of this dreary existance. she gives me a smile, a thought, and will tell flat out if im wrong or being a big butthead. i love you kayla. then there is another whom i met about a year ago. we have a bit of an age distance......she is 18. though she may not act like it. haha, kelsie kendall, my darling sister and friend (and it will always be in that order), you give me hope for a new day. you are the one that knows when something is wrong, even if you are not even near me. i get a text asking "are you okay?" well you know what im not. and that's okay. you are always ready with a joke or just there in general. i dont know what i'ld do without you. love you so much kels.
im just gonna lay my card on the table right now, don't get offended. many of you try to be kind and ask how im doing. thanks but no thanks. im not okay. and i dont know when and if i will be. stop asking!!! the situation?not okay. my life?not okay. everything has shattered so now you know. if im smilling, it's a lie. because im not happy anymore.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
miracles
Every day holds the possibility of a miracle.
Every minute the possibility of life is there.
Every second there is a breath.
Every breath we take, is a miracle.
Monday, August 16, 2010
keep your foot in the door
so. I dont know how im writing right now. but i am, so here goes.
Tonight as you know is the 16th of August. Yesterday, my father died. He fought; he fought till the very end. He was just fine all morning. He was very lucid; and he was talking to us. Well, my mom came in to the waiting room and told us that he was tired. He was sure of his choice. The Holy Ghost had come to him and said that it was okay to come home. All he kept saying was I'm sorry. He made the right decision I know, and he was okay to go home. That's where he is now. He's home, with his parents and friends and our Heavenly Father. I'm glad he's there. And I'm a little jealous.
Keep your foot in the door daddy.
Tonight as you know is the 16th of August. Yesterday, my father died. He fought; he fought till the very end. He was just fine all morning. He was very lucid; and he was talking to us. Well, my mom came in to the waiting room and told us that he was tired. He was sure of his choice. The Holy Ghost had come to him and said that it was okay to come home. All he kept saying was I'm sorry. He made the right decision I know, and he was okay to go home. That's where he is now. He's home, with his parents and friends and our Heavenly Father. I'm glad he's there. And I'm a little jealous.
Keep your foot in the door daddy.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Oh Well
You know, everything has been so crazy around here. I kind of don't feel bad that i haven't blogged. Don't get me wrong, i love to blog, but sometimes you just cant get to it. so, oh well.
I went on a pioneer trek recently and that may have been the coolest experience. My stake went to Martins Cove in Wyoming. (is that spelled wrong?) We were given journals to write in so we could record our thoughts and all that good stuff. Well, i had not written anything the whole trip till the bus ride home. Though i don't believe i will forget anything of this trip. I will admit, I had a hard time leaving home. I didn't know what would happen while Spencer and I were gone. I was afraid. It turned out that my dad did go back into the hospital while we were gone. I felt like I should have been there. I should have been there. But i realized, I was not meant to be home. My friend was having a hard time because a relative had passed away. They came to trek anyway. Well, they decided that they needed to come find me, thinking "sarah can help". At the same moment I was thinking that I ought to be home. I think that our Father was telling me that I was needed here. And i was.
So, for the past like four or five months, I have been telling my friends how much I want to be a knight. I'm sure they are quite sick of it by now. I don't know what it is. It's not the fame or anything like that. i think I'm more drawn to the actual hard work they had to go through; and their rules of chivalry. I don't know why it fascinates me so. It just does. Well, I had a thought the other day that just made me happy. My thought was that I really am a knight. I am a knight that serves the kingdom of God. I serve, fight, and protect my king. I am a knight; as are you.
I went on a pioneer trek recently and that may have been the coolest experience. My stake went to Martins Cove in Wyoming. (is that spelled wrong?) We were given journals to write in so we could record our thoughts and all that good stuff. Well, i had not written anything the whole trip till the bus ride home. Though i don't believe i will forget anything of this trip. I will admit, I had a hard time leaving home. I didn't know what would happen while Spencer and I were gone. I was afraid. It turned out that my dad did go back into the hospital while we were gone. I felt like I should have been there. I should have been there. But i realized, I was not meant to be home. My friend was having a hard time because a relative had passed away. They came to trek anyway. Well, they decided that they needed to come find me, thinking "sarah can help". At the same moment I was thinking that I ought to be home. I think that our Father was telling me that I was needed here. And i was.
So, for the past like four or five months, I have been telling my friends how much I want to be a knight. I'm sure they are quite sick of it by now. I don't know what it is. It's not the fame or anything like that. i think I'm more drawn to the actual hard work they had to go through; and their rules of chivalry. I don't know why it fascinates me so. It just does. Well, I had a thought the other day that just made me happy. My thought was that I really am a knight. I am a knight that serves the kingdom of God. I serve, fight, and protect my king. I am a knight; as are you.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
WoW. it has been two months since i last blogged. Jeez.
Well, all has been well. it is now summer and i am officially bored. When he got home dad was doing amazing. he was walking around, folding laundry, he even helped Nathan pack for scout camp. But he caught a bug and now he is back in the hospital so he can be monitored. They just want to make sure he is breathing okay and all that jazz.
So, there are 31 stakes of the church doing this youth spectacular; myself included. It's kind of hard to explain what we are doing and i don't want to give away the surprise anyway, so i won't tell. You will just have to come see it on the 16th and the 17th of July. I think it will be pretty cool, if we can figure out what we're doing. oh ya, its at the Weber state football stadium. So........... come! come and see!!
Oh my gosh, i almost forgot that my violin group (pizzacotto strings & co.) and I are preforming at the arts festival in Salt Lake City on Saturday. I'm going to laugh if I spelled the name of my group wrong, considering how many years i have been with them! Oh well, we are finally on the stage this year. Maybe it won't be so hot on the stage, i know i'm crossing my fingers for it! I do have a speaking part this year, in fact i'm the first one (yay). Haha, i am soooo tired don't even ask why, because i don't even know!
So, that's pretty much it. um, well goodbye!
Well, all has been well. it is now summer and i am officially bored. When he got home dad was doing amazing. he was walking around, folding laundry, he even helped Nathan pack for scout camp. But he caught a bug and now he is back in the hospital so he can be monitored. They just want to make sure he is breathing okay and all that jazz.
So, there are 31 stakes of the church doing this youth spectacular; myself included. It's kind of hard to explain what we are doing and i don't want to give away the surprise anyway, so i won't tell. You will just have to come see it on the 16th and the 17th of July. I think it will be pretty cool, if we can figure out what we're doing. oh ya, its at the Weber state football stadium. So........... come! come and see!!
Oh my gosh, i almost forgot that my violin group (pizzacotto strings & co.) and I are preforming at the arts festival in Salt Lake City on Saturday. I'm going to laugh if I spelled the name of my group wrong, considering how many years i have been with them! Oh well, we are finally on the stage this year. Maybe it won't be so hot on the stage, i know i'm crossing my fingers for it! I do have a speaking part this year, in fact i'm the first one (yay). Haha, i am soooo tired don't even ask why, because i don't even know!
So, that's pretty much it. um, well goodbye!
Monday, April 12, 2010
whoo hoo!!!!!!!!!
I am so ecstatic! Dad is coming home!!!!!! I am so................ oh, I can't explain it. You know that feeling of utmost joy? Sure, our live is crazy. Sure, everyone is on edge and a little scratchy. But, I am in that giddy little heaven that I don't want to get out of. Aaaaaaaahh! Dad's coming home! Oh, I could say that a million times over.
Okay, so yesterday we went and got a couch ( ya, I know it was sunday and it was bad. But oh well). So, we went and got a couch and it was awesome! Nathan, Spencer, and I all fell asleep on it; at the store! Haha, it was fun. But unfortunately it can't be delivered until May 6th. That's a bumber, because it was awesome. So now our family room has no couch. It is absolutely bare of furniture except for our cabinets. It's kind of funny looking. :)
I'm no motavational speaker but, the other day my friend wrote a poem. It spoke on how when the river has pulled you in and you fight and scream. But, you feel like giving in to the dark murky water that fills your lungs. Then you hear a gentle voice that drys your heart. Fills you with love and care. I don't know how you take it, but I take it as a friend or family member. Also, I read this poem and feel God near me.
Okay, so yesterday we went and got a couch ( ya, I know it was sunday and it was bad. But oh well). So, we went and got a couch and it was awesome! Nathan, Spencer, and I all fell asleep on it; at the store! Haha, it was fun. But unfortunately it can't be delivered until May 6th. That's a bumber, because it was awesome. So now our family room has no couch. It is absolutely bare of furniture except for our cabinets. It's kind of funny looking. :)
I'm no motavational speaker but, the other day my friend wrote a poem. It spoke on how when the river has pulled you in and you fight and scream. But, you feel like giving in to the dark murky water that fills your lungs. Then you hear a gentle voice that drys your heart. Fills you with love and care. I don't know how you take it, but I take it as a friend or family member. Also, I read this poem and feel God near me.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Amazing
"It's not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deed could have done better. The credit belongs to the man actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood: who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." I believe that defines my father. My family. And those who are helping us, no matter how small the deed.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
sorry!
I am so sorry! Our internet has been down for awhile. I feel really bad not posting in so long. But luckily it's up again (mom's a genius!) Well here goes the update.
A few weeks ago dad pulled out his ventilator ( he was on it because he got RSV). Don't worry though, he is fantastic! It didn't hurt him which is amazing. He got it back in and is a lot better. After that no big deal.
I had my violin federation on Saturday (that might have been yesterday, but I'm pretty tired). I did really well. I did not expect to do well because i had not practiced and I was really distracted. But I went out there, did my best, and I got what I got. Unfortunately I got a very good. See the rankings go: very good, excellent, then a superior. No, I'm just kidding i really did get a superior. But, i still could not believe that i had gotten it. After federation mom, nathan, and I went to the hospital to visit daddy. I was soooo happy to see him. he looked really good. He was smiling and was so happy. He listened to my violin performance and was just tapping his feet and nodding his head, he was just rockin out! It was so much fun to see him like that.
Well, that's all for now and hopefully our internet doen't go out again!
A few weeks ago dad pulled out his ventilator ( he was on it because he got RSV). Don't worry though, he is fantastic! It didn't hurt him which is amazing. He got it back in and is a lot better. After that no big deal.
I had my violin federation on Saturday (that might have been yesterday, but I'm pretty tired). I did really well. I did not expect to do well because i had not practiced and I was really distracted. But I went out there, did my best, and I got what I got. Unfortunately I got a very good. See the rankings go: very good, excellent, then a superior. No, I'm just kidding i really did get a superior. But, i still could not believe that i had gotten it. After federation mom, nathan, and I went to the hospital to visit daddy. I was soooo happy to see him. he looked really good. He was smiling and was so happy. He listened to my violin performance and was just tapping his feet and nodding his head, he was just rockin out! It was so much fun to see him like that.
Well, that's all for now and hopefully our internet doen't go out again!
Monday, March 8, 2010
BOOM! I can see!!
Today was dads first chemo. It's a higher dose than last time so hope he tolerated it okay. Mom hasn't said anything so I think that means it went well. We're all really stressed and distracted with the transplant so close.
I went and got contacts today. It was amazing the difference in sight once I figured out how to get the contacts in (it only took me four hours). :D I went outside and it was like BOOM! I can see!! Everything seemed so crisp and colorful! I guess you get eyesight like mine when you're a bookoholic. When I went to school after that; I was constantly amazed at what these contacts can do. I was yapping on at my friends that I could see the board, I can read the clock, yadda, yadda, yadda. One of my friends, his favorite song is the pinball wizard by The Who, was trying to get my attention. Well I completely didn't hear him; so he said " we know she's blind, deaf....", at that moment I turned around and said "huh?", "....and dumb, but can she play a mean pinball?" I laughed so hard at that because he is the only person that would ever say that.
I love all of my friends who support me and love me. I love you all! Hugs and kisses and ta ta for now!
I went and got contacts today. It was amazing the difference in sight once I figured out how to get the contacts in (it only took me four hours). :D I went outside and it was like BOOM! I can see!! Everything seemed so crisp and colorful! I guess you get eyesight like mine when you're a bookoholic. When I went to school after that; I was constantly amazed at what these contacts can do. I was yapping on at my friends that I could see the board, I can read the clock, yadda, yadda, yadda. One of my friends, his favorite song is the pinball wizard by The Who, was trying to get my attention. Well I completely didn't hear him; so he said " we know she's blind, deaf....", at that moment I turned around and said "huh?", "....and dumb, but can she play a mean pinball?" I laughed so hard at that because he is the only person that would ever say that.
I love all of my friends who support me and love me. I love you all! Hugs and kisses and ta ta for now!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Last Radiation- yay!
Today was dad's last radiation. Me and mom came to be with him for the last one. He feels REALLY good today. We have been playing catchphrase music edition and we all have been singing and humming really loudly. We don't know most of the lyrics so it's mostly half singing; you know, when when you know only some of the lyrics and the rest is lalalalaing and humming.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Off to a good start!
Hey! I'm Sarah Sproul and I'm sure you read my mom's blog Sproul Sprouts. Well, this is the blog within us kids' view. I'm the third sprout in the sproul sprouts and the only girl. Life is pretty ruff when you live with three brothers; and on top of that my dad has cancer. He is in the hospitol getting treatment right now. He has to go through six days of radiation, two days of chemo therapy, one day of rest and then the bonemarrow transplant. Life has gotten really hecktic these past few days. He has been through five days of radiation so far. One more day to go, yay!:' Mom's been going to the hospitol every day, then coming back home each night. She's pretty tired, but we kids have been doing our best to keep some of the stress off her. Hopefully we're succeding because I really don't know. Dad's been doing well so far. "He feels really well in the morning," mom says. "But after radiation he starts to feel sick." I know that my dad is strong even when he feels weak. I know we are blessed even more than it seems. I know that we can make it through this test because He never said it would be easy; He said it would be worth it.
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