okay technology is absolutely amazing. so for christmas i got a brand kindle. when i got it i thought oh cool i can read books on it and yadda yadda yadda. but i can actually go online with it. in fact this post i am writting from my kindle right now! isnt that awesome? so now i could be at like a burger king and be updating the blog. all right well its really weird to practically texting the blog on my kindle so..... peace out girl scout.

today

i thought that this video was gonna be something sad, but it turned out to be really good. i have made myself a copy of the words to keep with me. the lyrics really spoke to me. i have missed out on so many things that i wanted to say people, now the moments gone and i regret it. i have cried, screamed, and cursed at things and words i lost when the time passed. i was one day too late and didnt get to tell my friends and family how much i love them, how dearly i held them to my heart, and how much i will miss them. even the next second might be too late, so speak up when you want to tell somebody something. i know not many will read this, but please, please, share this with someone you care about. make sure they understand that this moment, this very second, is most precious. we take life for granted, we take the very minutes we breathe for granted. i want to do better, i want to make life a little sweeter, and i want to see the sunshine; like really see it, see the rays and the way it lights up our sky in the many different colors at various times of day; dawn, dusk, and the midnight sky. look around, see the beauty. tell your friends that you care for them very much, tell your family that you need them, with all your heart and soul, tell them that without them you wouldnt be who are and what God wants you to be. hear the song, read the words, and open your heart. for many people my time to tell them these things is gone. it may or may not be the same for some of you, so tell all that you love, tell all in general. dont just tell your friends and family, tell those people that really irk you, the ones that @#!*% you off so bad. tell them................................ tell them im sorry, because a lot of the time they dont understand why they bug you. tell them you're sorry and tell them that they have a friend. we cant go back in time. we cant fix everything, no matter how hard we try. so stop looking back, start looking forward! look for those who need your help, look forward to happy things life. because no matter how well you've convinced yourself that life absolutely sucks, you're wrong. stop sinking, unfurl your wings and fly in that beautiful sky. soar to heaven and feel the sun warm your skin as you smile. there is always, always, time for you to live your life.
okay sorry, but the video didnt post so just go to youtube and look up "one day too late" by skillet. (man, i really like skillet dont i?)

this sucks

(sigh) Christmas is almost here. well, I'm not too thrilled about it. i know everybody thinks that holidays are supposed to all joyful and all, but seriously, i am so dreading it. i mean, are you freaking kidding me?! couldn't we have done this whole shpeall after Christmas dang it?!!! i feel like everything is being so dragged out. i feel like i am being stretched in all different directions. what am i supposed to do? how am i supposed to feel? i dont even how to react to anything anymore. i feel like the only real thing in life is the way i think. my thoughts are the only real thing. everything else is like dream. nothing is real.
well, i really expect everyone reading this to heed my words. everyone, anyone is judgmental during christmas. i dont care who you are, but seriously you are practically reading my diary so ............ anyway, i feel like sometimes people who comment are being kinda judgemental even if you are not trying to be. sorry, maybe im just sensative but its how i feel.

okay, im done now.

the truth

i know i havn't been on here in a while and thank everyone who even looks up this dumb blog. i feel like this blog is a journal that i let everbody read. i just hope that oneday i will be able to write something that changes someones' life. that helps them to think about if they have made a difference. if they will leave behind something besides items, and leave behind instead great memories, feelings of love and admiration, and great deeds of service to their fellow men and women.

to my family who looks up the title "the third sprout" on their internet screen. . . . . . . . i love you. and i give thanks to God for putting me in a family who loves me so much. i could have turned out a very different person in another family, but because of you i am who i am today.

to my adopted family, or friends as the world calls 'em. You have made the biggest impact on my life. when starting junior high i had no friends and was too scared to make any. my friend frome elementry school towed me around and made friends for me. i got braver and tried out for the school play where i met my friend before birth. there was an immediate connection with one kayla gonzales(sorry if i spelt it wrong, you know im bad at names). she saves me everyday of this dreary existance. she gives me a smile, a thought, and will tell flat out if im wrong or being a big butthead. i love you kayla. then there is another whom i met about a year ago. we have a bit of an age distance......she is 18. though she may not act like it. haha, kelsie kendall, my darling sister and friend (and it will always be in that order), you give me hope for a new day. you are the one that knows when something is wrong, even if you are not even near me. i get a text asking "are you okay?" well you know what im not. and that's okay. you are always ready with a joke or just there in general. i dont know what i'ld do without you. love you so much kels.

im just gonna lay my card on the table right now, don't get offended. many of you try to be kind and ask how im doing. thanks but no thanks. im not okay. and i dont know when and if i will be. stop asking!!! the situation?not okay. my life?not okay. everything has shattered so now you know. if im smilling, it's a lie. because im not happy anymore.

Never Surrender